Overachieving Ovaries

I haven't had time to post an update for a while, but the IVF process has progressed normally as far as timeline.  Last week, the doctors became concerned I would hyperstimulate.  They did an ultrasound, and I had over 40 follicles on each ovary.  Unfortunately, none of them were large enough to proceed with egg retrieval, so I had to keep giving myself the shots to make them grow more.  By Thursday, when they finally did my retrieval, I was soooo uncomfortable.  My stomach was all bloated, making me look as if I were already pregnant.

I had no idea how much worse this could get.

I woke up from the retrieval procedure crying.  Bawling, actually.  Pain, pain, pain.  The last time hurt, but it was nothing in comparison to this.  If I remember correctly, being in labor felt about the same as the aftermath of this procedure this time.  They gave me morphine, and, even though I complained that the pain was either getting worse or, at the very least, staying the same, they sent me home with Tylenol 3 and a wave.

They retrieved 47 eggs, which is an incredible amount.  Last time we got 10.  The doctor told me they pierced over 90 follicles.

Poor Brian.  He was trying to concentrate on the 45-minute drive home while I was literally writhing in pain and practically screaming next to him.  I couldn't take it. It was AWFUL.  He finally got me home and settled in, and he had to go back to work. When he came home at 5 p.m., I was so miserable that I had made a call to the IVF clinic in tears and was asking them what I should do.  They told me to go to the ER. 

We spent six hours there while the doctor at the ER talked to my doctor at the IVF clinic, trying to decide what to do.  They did two ultrasounds, and found large amounts of fluid in my abdomen.  They were concerned, though, because the ultrasound can't differentiate between clear fluid and blood, and my hemoglobin was low.  After about five hours, it took the resident on call to figure out that I had had a hemoglobin level done a month before, and he suggested we compare that with the one they took that night.  They were exactly the same, down to the last decimal point, so they had no qualms about sending home with nothing but stronger pain meds. 

That night was excruciating.  The following day was excruciating.  Today is the first day I've felt even slightly normal.  I can't lay down flat to sleep.  And I don't mean I have to prop myself up a bit, I mean I have to sit straight up, because if I lay down even a little, all the fluid in my abdomen crushes my diaphragm and I can't breath.  It also increases my pain to lay flat.  I can barely stand up straight.  But this is a huge improvement over not being able to stand up straight at all.  It hurts to laugh.  I get short of breath when I talk.  I had a coughing fit this evening at a family function during which I was positive I must have ruptured something.  We were at my mother-in-law's house, and before that we'd done a lot of laughing, because that's what this family does, and it's one of the reasons I love them so much.  We laugh...and laugh...AND LAUGH.  Tonight, although the laughter and celebration was a welcome change from my stay in my bed, it hurt SO BAD.  OMG.

But the pain is subsiding, I think.  And my weight has gone down, which means the fluid is draining.  Always a good sign.

We got our fertilization report on Friday:  13 embryos.  13!!!!  Last time, we got 4.  We already have six frozen.  On Tuesday, we go back to find out if the fluid has drained enough that we can do a transfer that day.  More likely what will happen is they'll freeze the 7 they're currently culturing, and do a frozen embryo transfer (FET) at a later date, after I've completely recovered from this hyperstimulation syndrome.  Reason being, HCG triggers this syndrome.  So even if the fluid seems to have drained, being pregnant with your HCG doubling every 48 hours, this will come roaring back.  And, call me crazy, but I'm not really chomping at the bit to repeat this experience, so I think we'll err on the side of Not Going Through Fucking Hell Again.

So in summary:  Hooray, 47 eggs!!!!  Ouch, though.  OUCHOUCHOUCHOUCHOUCHOUCHOUCH.  Also, FUCKING OUCH!  And then 13 embryos, WHOOHOO!!!!!!!  Ow, again, though.  OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!  But getting better every day.  And will be worth it, because I will never have to do egg retrieval again, thank Jebus.

And through all this, my husband has reminded me exactly why I married him.  At the ER, while they were talking about admitting me, I told him he should go home.  That he had a test the next day and needed the sleep, and that the nurses could take care of me.  His response was something to the effect of, "No. We're in this together. It's MY job to take care of you, and shirking that responsibility is unacceptable."  It took me 20 minutes to convince him to go home, and right when he left they came in and decided not to admit me.  Such is life.

Today, my grandpa brought me flowers.  Papa Duane hates to see me like this.  He was a nervous wreck the first time we did IVF.  He was terrified that, once I was pregnant, if I lost the baby, I'd just never recover.  And he's probably right.  He's a fairly emotionally-distant man, always has been, but he might know me better than any other member of my family.  When he dropped those flowers off tonight I could tell he was scared and worried.  He said, "You know I don't like this stuff."  That probably sounds like his condemnation of IVF in general, especially coming from a Catholic, but it's not.  He would never condemn anything that brought him Ellie. They're buddies.  Their souls connect somehow. 

He's just scared for me.

So I can't do anything now but wait.  And rest.  And try not to obsess over everything that's happened.  Easier said than done.  Maybe obsessing would keep my mind off this intense craving I'm having for the roast with carrots and mashed potatoes and homemade bread my Grandma Carter used to make for Sunday dinner.  Since she passed away when I was 9 -- so 22 years ago -- there's really no way I'm going to be able to settle that craving.  Bummer.