I've had two extremely vivid dreams during this process. The first was about a year and a half ago. I dreamt I had twin boys. They both had bright red hair, and were wearing khakis and white cable-knit sweaters. They were about 2. I felt like I knew these boys. Like I had actually been pregnant with them, given birth to them, and raised them, right to the point where I dressed them in their cute matching cable-knit sweaters.
It took me several weeks to shake the feeling the dream gave me. It wasn't a bad feeling. Quite the opposite. It might be the happiest feeling I've ever had, like I had finally gotten everything I ever wanted. The problem with feeling that way is I woke up and realized it was just a dream, and I was horribly disappointed. It was so REAL. I still miss those two little boys. I really hoped I'd have met them by now.
The second dream happened on Thursday night. This time I was in the hospital in labor. My mom and sister and grandma were all there. Not sure why I couldn't see Brian, but I knew he was there somewhere. I dreamt I was pushing, then I woke up the next morning and couldn't remember giving birth. The doctors said the labor had been pretty long and I had been given a lot of pain meds, so that wasn't surprising. Then they handed me the baby. It was a girl, and I named her Gabriella.
I woke up Friday morning with that terribly disappointed feeling again. It was real, I knew it, but then reality set in.
I have a love/hate relationship with these dreams. The happy feeling I get is so wonderful, and waking up in the morning is so incredibly sad when I realize what's actually going on. I sometimes wish I could just stay asleep a little longer so I can feel that baby in my arms, I can look into her face, and for a brief second I can feel like this isn't some long-lost dream.
3 comments:
Exactly how I feel when I dream of my mother and my sister. When I wake up and realize it was a dream and they're still gone, it's a crushing, painful disappointment.
You, however, are dreaming of your future, not your past. You'll get there, one way or another. With labor or maybe without if that's how it's meant to be. Either way, I do feel you and Brian are destined to be somebody's parents.
I just wish God/fate/karma/whatever wouldn't take so blinkin' long!
They say there is alot of truth to people's dreams. Especially about their children. I personally dreamt there was a baby boy born on the 4th of July. The dream didnt show whose baby it was, but I wasnt entirely surprised when Mikey was born 3 weeks early, on July 5th. This could be dreams of your future.
Ok you totally just made me cry...
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