Life, Liberty & the Pursuit of Baby

Yesterday I had another appointment to check out Baby E, and everything went fine. His or her heartbeat was in the 150s, which is perfect. I had to get weighed, and....yikes. In my defense, I had on shoes and clothes and had already eaten and had a Mountain Dew, so all of that had to account for about five pounds, right? Because if not, I've gained five pounds in the last week (last time I weighed myself it was first thing in the morning, sans clothes, so I know there's a discrepancy here).

I know I'm supposed to gain weight. I know that most of this weight is probably increased blood volume and baby and placenta, and maybe a little fat, but it brings up old body image issues. It's because I have "a number." I think everyone has "a number." It's the number you get to on the scale when you go, "Oh, fucking holy bananas! I'm throwing away all the cookies and eating nothing but asparagus and rice cakes and drinking 18 gallons of water per day and running. I'm going to run! Run five miles a day! And do a thousand crunches! And squats! Yessss!!!!!" And then, ya know, you get tired, and just go with working out like a normal person and eating only the occasional cookie, and you lose the weight and get back to a number where you're comfortable, and all is well again, and you swear you'll maintain it...and the cycle starts over again.

My weight on the scale yesterday was over my "number." By about eight pounds. It got me all into a tizzy. I need to stop thinking about it so much, because I'm aware that my butt, thighs, arms, and face have not gotten any bigger. I can still get on my pre-pregnancy jeans, I just can't button them because of the belly.

But the baby is healthy, and that's what matters. Next appointment, for the "big ultrasound" where we'll confirm the gender of Baby E, is July 8. They couldn't get me in any sooner, so sorry, you're all going to have to wait a few weeks more than I thought. I'm not all that thrilled about it, either. Of course, if my boss decides to go out of town to see his new grandbaby anytime soon, I may schedule an appointment to go in sooner. It's hard for me to make appointments when I'm in Clinton, and when he's gone I'm usually in Davenport. I think that might happen soon.

Also, on the subject of me walking into or bumping into things from the previous blog post, I was walking down the stairs with a big laundry basket three days ago, and I got too close to the right side of the wall. There's a ledge there. I suppose it's supposed to be a decorative ledge for ... decorations...or something ... but the cats generally use it as a see-who-can-run-the-fastest-and-slide-and-not-fall-off--the-ledge ledge. So there are no decorations on it. Anyway, I got too close to the ledge and smashed my knuckle right between my ring and pinkie finger between the ledge and basket. It's all black and blue and swollen now, but it doesn't really hurt anymore, so that's good. I'm officially the most clumsy person on the planet.

On a separate note, people keep telling me I should write a book. Obviously, the book would be about infertility and would contain the word "fuck" a lot. Mostly because you can't write a book about four years of infertility without it. Pretty much the whole four years were a running inner dialogue of, "FUCK! Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck. FUCK!"

I'm taking votes. I'm seriously considering it. I'd love to write something humorous and helpful to others going through the infertility stuff. So let me know what you think about that idea. I might do it regardless, but would like to hear any opinions on it (other than unconstructive criticism like, "Dude, you suck, don't write a book. No one will read it." That would be odd anyway, because why are you reading my blog if you think I suck? KEEP YOUR OPINION TO YOURSELF, HYPOCRITE!)

***Pictures of Baby E's room and his/her ultrasound picture are coming. I know I said I probably wouldn't post u/s pictures, but he/she looks like a person now instead of a hamster, so I'm going to post these. Maybe tonight, but probably not. Unless I get really motivated.***