Ellie's skillz... Alternate title: "Oh, Shit, the game has changed, yo."

Ellie is 8 months old today. How in the freaking hell did that happen? She has several new tricks. Last month, she started crawling. I picked her up from daycare and Kerri told me she had gone across the room. Also, on the same day, she started pulling herself up on things. I found this out by bringing her home, setting her in the living room for 30 seconds while I went into the kitchen, and when I came back in, she was standing up holding onto the ottoman. While I'm excited she developing at a normal, if not slightly faster than normal rate, um...SLOW DOWN!!! I just want to keep her a baby. I can't stand the thought of her growing so fast. I mean, I gave her life, the least she could do is stay a baby forever. Is that so much to ask?

We had to lower her crib mattress to the lowest setting. I can barely reach in to put her down at night, but she's so tall that on the next-highest setting the top rail was hitting her mid-thigh, and we were afraid she was going to flip herself out fairly soon.

With the crawling and pulling herself up on things has come a whole new set of issues we just really hadn't thought of. No one ever warned us that babies have Unsafe Outlet Radar. The minute she got the hang of the forward motion, she headed straight for the only outlet in the living room without child-safe plugs in it. There's nothing inherently interesting about outlets. They're not colorful or shiny, but still, she had this look of OMG, I MUST TOUCH IT.

She's completely unaware that, unlike the earth, the bed is flat. Also, the couch, the stairs, etc. She just heads for the edge and would crawl right off if we didn't catch her. A fact that was illustrated to me quite nicely two nights ago when I was sitting on the couch with her not three inches from me on the same couch, and I turned my back for two freaking seconds, and she crawled due north, and landed head first on the hardwood floor. Somewhere, someone is polishing my Mother of The Year award right now, I just know it.

Likewise, she is unaware that pulling herself up on items that have wheels, and/or are lighter than her results in undesired consequences.

She's a little banged up, is what I'm saying.

Other new skillz: Waving, but with a closed fist while rotating her wrist round and round, kind of like I do when I've been writing for several hours on my machine in court. We had no idea this was waving for the first roughly two weeks. We thought she was dancing or something. (Note to Ellie: Your parents, not so swift).

She's giving kisses. Meaning, she opens her mouth as wide as possible and slobbers all over your face or arm. It's, hands down, the cutest thing in the world.

She still isn't saying anything but "Dada." When I ask her to say "Mama," she laughs hysterically. I think she knows exactly what I'm asking, and she's just being defiant.

She's still teething. She still has exactly zero teeth. The baby food website guidelines keep telling me to "start baby on foods that he or she can easily chew with only a few teeth." YOU NEED TO UPDATE YOUR SITE, BABY FOOD GENIUSES. Mah babeee has no teeth. Tell me what to do with THAT.

Loves: Chasing the cats around the house; bouncing on our bed; yanking Mommy's hair; jewelry (seriously); and smacking people in the face (we tell her no, and move her hand. I don't think she's actually trying to be mean, but it's still not okay).

Hates: Lotion. I might as well be applying hydrochloric acid to her skin, the way she screams every time; Laying on her back, especially if the purpose is washing her hair in the tub; bananas; homemade baby food that isn't ground up really smooth. If it's just mashed, she pretends to gag on it. She obviously has her mother's texture issues; being put in her high chair without the immediate presence of a bottle in her mouth.

Next Entry: Jackass Attorneys and the Court Reporters Who Wish Bad, Bad Things Would Happen to Them.

Stay tuned, folks.