Needles in my legs.....Freelance coming back to haunt me......Oh joy......

We'll start with the needles. I started my injections on Saturday, January 24. I was freaking out internally all week, but hadn't really said anything to anyone beyond, "I'm not looking forward to this." I didn't want to vocalize how scared I truly was, because it didn't really seem to matter since I had to do it anyway. Well, that strategy wasn't the best one for me. There's a reason why I talk incessantly about the things that bother me, and it's because if I don't, I end up having a massive, irrational, scare-the-hell-out-of-my-husband breakdown when I'm asked a simple question like, "Do you want to go to Cedar Rapids tonight?"

I didn't yell or anything, I just broke down into sobs, and explained -- probably fairly incoherently -- that I couldn't stand the thought of having to do this away from home for the first time because what if I forgot something I needed? What if I couldn't do it? What if I messed it up? And then I said something along the lines of, "I realize it's my fault that we can't have kids, but I'm the one who has to have needles jabbed into me, and no one seems to understand how scary that is. And what if I mess it up? Then it's all my fault this didn't work."

Brian just sort of stared at me dumbfounded, looking as if he had something to say but wondering if he should since that fairly benign question had inspired such a reaction.

He was very understanding, though, and said he was just asking, and that we would just stay home, no big deal. I did the shot that night, and it really was easy and caused almost no pain. I actually had to do it twice, because the first time I forgot to flip the bottle over, so I just got air in the needle, but didn't realize it until after I'd given myself the "injection." Good thing I didn't hit a vein or anything.

The injections I'm doing now go in the upper, outside leg, and are to repress my body's natural urge to release eggs. The next injection I'll start will stimulate my follicles to produce lots of eggs (or something. I'm not sure I totally understand all of this stuff). I'll start those next week sometime. Eventually, I'll be doing three shots: One in the leg, one in the stomach, and one in the butt. Fun stuff. Oh, and the needles get progressively bigger as we go along. I'm not terribly worried, but it's a little nerve wracking. I'm so concerned that I'm doing something wrong that will make all of this ineffective. I'm pretty sure that's just four years of infertility-induced paranoia talking, though.


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On to the ghost of freelance. So do you guys remember the story about the deposition I did last year and the deponent claims the claimant threatened him on a break, and adamantly exclaimed that I heard it? If not, please visit this post.

Anyhoodle, that was, what, six months ago? Almost six months. Today at work I got a conference call from two attorneys who are representing the respondent (deponent) in that case, the one who claims he was threatened. The attorneys were very nice, and were asking me about the circumstances and what I heard. I told them the same story I posted here. They asked if I'd heard their client threaten the attorney, and I said absolutely not. They asked if I had any reason to believe that their client would threaten or harass the attorney, and I again said no. I told them that their client seemed angry and that he/she seemed less than willing to answer questions, but that that in no way gave me the impression that he/she would threaten or harass the attorney. I also mentioned that their client seemed mad at me, and their response was, "He/she was mad at you?!!" I then explained the story about his/her asking the secretary if I worked for the attorney, and added that I don't want to be accused of behaving unethically, that we (court reporters) operate under a Code of Ethics, and that had I heard anything I certainly would have told the attorney and their client what I heard.

The attorneys on the phone were very nice, and seemed to be understanding of my ethical obligations and never questioned whether or not I was abiding by them, but now I'm all riled up. It seems to me that the attorney representing the claimant in this matter is bringing some kind of suit against the respondent for harassment, and/or that the respondent is telling his/her lawyers that I'm lying, that I heard something. Either way, I'm being dragged into this mess all over again. I'm not terribly concerned about my being somehow discredited. I have a great reputation in the legal community and can have several letters drawn up by well-known attorneys stating such. I just know this is going to turn into a hassle. I already have a headache because of it. Ug.

Other than that, things have been pretty calm. I'm getting more and more excited about our upcoming IVF procedures. The egg retrieval is tentatively scheduled for February 14, which is great because it's a Saturday and I won't have to take off work. I hope it stays that way, but they have to base it on blood work, which can always vary. We'll see. I'll keep you posted!